A hard day of me
I find myself alone this week.
It is bittersweet, I was meant to be away on a family holiday, but as my cat was injured some weeks ago, we decided it was best not to leave him in a cattery while he was recovering. So, here I am, working and looking after my cat (who has virtually made a full recovery), while the family are having a lovely time at the seaside without me. Having said this, I do relish the freedom of being alone.
After a weekend of my own company I feel perhaps a little bolder, a little bit more opinionated.
I found myself replying to a social media post today, that maybe I wouldn't normally feel able to reply to. The original poster (OP) completely disregarded my comments (which had a question for them, as I am a curious soul). I started to feel anxious about this. I questioned if I did the right thing by replying. My anxiety was creeping in. Then a random stranger replied to my comment and engaged in a mini conversation with me. This was great, I liked this, but I felt like we hijacked the original post, and the OP must REALLY hate me now. They the OP proceded to flood their page with more posts, perhaps in an effort to bury this one, or simply a genuine want to post more things. But I was left feeling a bit hurt that I was left hanging by the OP and ignored. It does take some effort sometimes to reach out like out (for me). I didn't see it as a flippant casual comment, it was something I genuinely took time to think about. It makes me not want to engage with posts. Perhaps I was feeling a little more in need of some human connection, but this was not the person to get that connection from. Why do they follow me then if they don't want to engage with me?!
And secondly, today was another scorcher of a day. Maybe this is part of the reason I feel my blood boil a little when I have to deal with a specific company who are (in my humble opinion) complete idiots. I was huffing and puffing and snorting while typing emails that I was desperately trying not to rant in, thanks to them. And afterwards I felt a bit empty. Like they had drained my soul away.
And a few other things at work had me feeling a bit stressed.
I feel like the onus is on me to manage these feelings, and I can't. Not today.
So, it has been a hard day of me being me.
One good thing that happened is that I took Loki to the vet and she gave him the all-clear! So he won't lose his tail and he is free to be a happy kitty without fear of being carted off to the vet ... until his next vaccination.